When people face difficulties, with negative emotional states, when they are already overwhelmed by problems, in the case of many of them, the feeling of inability appears. It is often the case that their condition deteriorates with each passing day, gradually, but trapped in the turmoil of daily life, they choose not to attach much importance to this fact.
I do not take the time to ask questions, to stay with them and to become aware of what I feel, for what reason, what triggered this condition, if necessary or not to make certain changes. I go on like this until I get the feeling I can’t do anything.
Inside us, there is a “compass” that guides us permanently and we can call it inner voice, intuition, our true selves and so on. When we move away from the right path for us, when we compromise in one way or another, when we “distance ourselves” from ourselves by not listening to our needs, lying, self-deluding, accepting things, situations or toxic people in our lives, our general state, both emotional and physical and mental, begins to deteriorate.
Maybe we do this only when something serious happens to us, something that fills the glass and wakes us up to reality. To make an analogy, it’s like every day we get a little fat, and after two years we looked in the mirror and we were shocked and surprised by how we looked because we didn’t understand how it could be something like this was happening.
Well, this is happening because we do not pay attention to each day. We think “this doesn’t happen”, “it only happens once” or “it is the last time I do/accept this”. But if we think this way every day, surely the fact that we lie and self-deluded will not cancel the final effect of our actions.
Similarly, in the case of negative mental and emotional states that are repeated day by day, if we live in a destructive environment, when we do not take care of ourselves, when, practically, we put anything or anyone above, we can reach with time at a critical point in our lives that we feel we will never be able to overcome, we feel anxious, depressed, hopeless. We get sick and we don’t understand why.
To prevent this, the best solution is to aim to become more aware with each passing day, that is, to learn to live more consciously. For example, before we eat, let’s think about whether that food is really nutritious for us or simply represents empty calories that we feel the need to consume for emotional reasons – that we feel alone, that we are bored, that we feel empty and we have the feeling that a full stomach also means a full soul and so on
When we accept to make compromises or favours even if we do not want this, to think about why it is so difficult for us to adopt a firm and assertive attitude, to say “no”. Are we afraid that we will be rejected, abandoned? Are we afraid we won’t be liked anymore? Are we afraid that the world will judge us in one way or another, that it will tell us that we are selfish, that it will try to manipulate us and emotionally blackmail us and give up? To become aware of the effect on us of constantly accepting to do things against our will.
Let us think about that neuralgic point in us that makes us act this way. Let’s try to find the source of the problem and solve it, instead of continuing to act automatically.
When our relationship causes us suffering and burdens our existence, let us think about the real reasons why we fail to make the final step and leave, instead of finding excuses and justifications. Are we afraid of loneliness? Do we think we can’t handle ourselves? Do we want to give up our emotional, financial, time and energy investment? Did we lie so far that things are not so serious? Have I lived in self-delusion and compromise?
Then, even though we have been on the wrong road for years and years, it is never too late to change direction or to take it effectively again. Some people have even realized late that the way they have lived so far has caused them suffering and problems and they have chosen to make the necessary changes, with or without help, people who have felt relieved by a great burden. , who have regained their vital momentum, the joy of living, the self-confidence.
We are much stronger than we think, but maybe we have not yet known how to use our inner power, maybe we have not yet been given the chance to go to the unknown, to make the changes we long for so much. Every step we take in the direction we are now afraid of turns the unknown into the unknown. Change means uncertainty, unknown. In the first phase, it is as if you enter a dark room, but as you go, things begin to become clearer, discover new paths, see around you things that could help you, discover opportunities. Thus, with each step taken, the unknown becomes known and the darkness becomes light.
All these fears in our minds are illusions, like soap bubbles. The danger does not hide in what exists beyond change, but in what exists before it. The danger comes from our imagination, because we think of all those things that could go wrong, as well as the imagined dangers, without realizing that we have an amazing capacity for adaptation and that we are perhaps more resilient than we think.
And if we are at a point in our life where we have the impression that we no longer see the exit, let’s try to consider the possibility that this could also be an illusion of our mind. In life, there are solutions to everything, however impossible it may seem. If we don’t succeed alone, let’s ask for help. There is no shame in that. There is no sign of weakness.
Think about it, if you are locked in a dark room without knowing where the exit is, what do you prefer: sitting alone in a corner feeding your fear or exploring space, trying to find solutions even in the dark? To cry for help in the idea that in this way someone might even hear you? What I want to emphasize here is that when we have not been able to find a solution on our own, or in those critical moments when, as it seems, we think that we would rather not live than to live that way, when we can no longer live. access personal resources, it is always a better solution to ask for help instead of completely submitting weapons.
This does not mean that we will become dependent on that help, it does not mean that we will put our lives in someone else’s hands, but it does mean that sometimes we simply need a hand to help us get up, and “raise” ourselves we can continue to work with ourselves, to heal ourselves, to “repair” where we have to repair.
And how can we repair or heal something if we do not recognize that we have a problem if we choose to continue living in darkness by refusing to see the truth? By the time we recognize that we are not as good as we claim, the healing process is already beginning.
Nothing is forever. If you now feel hopeless, think about how you cannot live that way the rest of your life because you have the power to change… to change your attitude and perception of things that do not depend on you, you act differently for the things that depend on you. The thought “I will live in misery” the rest of my life is a personal choice.
If you do not accept this statement as true, your mind begins to work to find solutions. If, however, you strongly believe that it will be so, your mind will no longer have to make any effort to deal with the “final verdict”.
If we manage to perceive a darker period of our existence not as a prison without exit, but as a stage in the journey of life that we can overcome, alone and / or asking for help, we are already beginning to bring to light more resources. From a broader perspective like this, we can consider that we do not face difficulties or negative emotional states because we deserve to be punished or because we are not lucky, but we can look at the hardships as attempts that make us stronger and stronger. wise, which helps us to know ourselves better, to give up harmful patterns for us, to become more aware of the way we think and the consequences of our actions.
In conclusion, you will end with three things:
- everything in life has a solution, in the end, only death is final;
- most of our fears are illusory or as Michel de Montaigne said: “My life has been full of misfortunes, most of which have never happened.”
- we are much stronger and more resilient than we think and it is our duty to trust ourselves, if you will, it is our moral obligation to face life – not to let ourselves be defeated, not to give up on ourselves, to do everything possible to live every day content and reconcile with ourselves and our lives, to assume the change when nothing else is pleasing to us, to trust that we will succeed.
Because we can and because we deserve it!